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Email: killvenus@hotmail.com

Twitter: @theladyeve

Instagram: @killingvenusblog

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I feel like all I do is moan at the moment but I actually spend most of my day smiling and laughing at this ridiculous child who only ever gets upset for literally three seconds when laid on his back until he’s given a book to read. He never cries. I think we could all do with being a bit more Rudy. Feeling frustrated? Read a book and educate yourself. #rudywilson

This week is maternal mental health awareness week. Perinatal mental health problems can affect around 20% of mothers during pregnancy and the first year of their child’s life however we’re still not talking about it much beyond the ‘baby blues’ of the first few weeks. Perinatal mental health problems can look completely different for each parent. A year ago, I was still coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy and crying most days. I was about to be signed off work due to increased levels of stress caused by workplace bullying by a former friend due to my pregnancy. This, on top of grappling with unresolved trauma and a family who literally didn’t care that I was pregnant, was only made worse by a daily commute of sitting on train floors and crying on my way to and from work. One night I cried myself to sleep, convinced that my in laws were conspiring to take my baby away from me (ironic considering they’ve never wanted anything to do with him) and I spent my entire pregnancy convinced I was going to lose him at any point and didn’t dare look forward to meeting him and loving him. I started having panic attacks for the first time in years and the first doctor I saw dismissed me with ‘I’ve had four babies, you’ll be absolutely fine.’ A further referral that I pushed for was lost and I eventually received support from the perinatal mental health team. For various reasons, I was told that I was high risk for pnd and potentially postnatal psychosis and a plan was put together that, thankfully, wasn’t needed. My experience is one of millions that doesn’t get talked about and luckily the outcome has been largely positive. The single largest killer of women in the first year post birth is suicide. I only found this out this week. Why are we not talking about this more? I’m so fortunate to have a local group @wellwestcliff run by a wonderful woman Helen who is determined to raise awareness and support other parents during this incredibly vulnerable time. @lauraleedockrill is speaking up about her own journey and struggle with postpartum psychosis and the result of this is people are finally talking about maternal mental health but so much more needs to be done.

I woke up yesterday morning to find that a Facebook post I had angrily written before going to bed on Thursday had gone viral. My profile is private but a couple of friends had asked if they could share it so I changed the privacy settings. I had no idea what had happened until @syn_stuff and @hollie_loves texted me to see if I was ok and that they hoped the comments weren’t getting me down. I was only getting notifications when friends commented or shared the post so I had no idea how many had seen it. I’m not naive, I know what kind of people a post criticising the government and Tory voters attracts and I’ve seen what they can write so I made the decision not to read the comments. It was and is hard, REALLY HARD and even harder not to reply in indignation. Skimming them every now and then, I’ve seen some truly nasty things written about me. I’ve done enough anti bullying work with kids to know how not to take it personally. These people don’t know me and their reaction says more about them than it does me. When it had been shared a couple of hundred times, I saw that a lot of people were saying I shouldn’t be making the situation political so on a whim, I edited to add what I thought about THAT. As more and more people shared and commented, I was asked if I was going to take it down. I won’t take it down as I have nothing to apologise for. I wish I had spent more time on it and included various other grievances I have but I’m not sorry for the sentiment. I will not respond to comments because I don’t owe my time nor emotional labour to ANYONE. Friends have told me that they’ve had to report some comments and this only consolidates my reasons for protecting myself by not engaging. l’ve received hundreds of friend requests, a handful of lovely DMs from people and one nasty one and she was swiftly reported for harassment. We are all having a difficult time at the moment but I will not be someone’s online punchbag. Just because I’ve allowed access to what was originally a small, angry rant does not mean it’s open season. I come first, my family comes first and they are not getting their pound of flesh. Not today Satan. 📸:@elloisemae

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums. The new mums, step mums, foster mums, dog mums, mums to be, mums who have lost and the not yet mums. I am so unbelievably grateful that I get to wake up to this ridiculous, beaming face every morning and that I get to learn from my own mum every day how to be the best mother to him I possibly can be. Thanks for making me a mum, you little ratbag (and thanks mum for taking me to Bon Jovi concerts for 23 years!) And happy Others’ Day to those who find today hard ♥️#happymothersday #rudywilson

Posted @withregram • @allrisecollective We’ve been a bit quiet on here recently because what else is there to say that others haven’t said so much better? (go and check out @rebel.lou and @harri_golightly who is the artist of this fantastic illustration) We are a collective made up of artists, writers, teachers, care workers, freelancers, small business owners and parents and we are angry and anxious, not just for ourselves and our children but for the most marginalised and vulnerable in society. • This collective was born out of hope, a need to do better and to use our privilege to protect and empower. But how do we do that when some of us are already vulnerable with regards to our mental and physical health as well as financially? When we worry day and night for the well-being and future of our children, our own and those we teach? When we know that our government will do nothing to help those who need it most? • Our collection is still active but taking a slightly different form. The Beecroft Gallery has now closed and the shelves in supermarkets have been stripped bare of menstrual products and nappies meaning donations are not possible for some people. We are asking if anyone has any surplus or loose pads, tampons and nappies to ask their local food bank if they accept them. The Southend Storehouse, who we are collecting for, does accept loose items so if you have them and you are local Lauren (@killingxvenus) is happy to collect them and drop them off for you. This goes for any unused toiletries you have too. • One of the biggest problems our local food bank is facing is being unable to buy the food they need as they are being denied early access to the supermarkets and they cannot bulk buy items. They do not have any local drop off points and due to lots of people self isolating, they are receiving cash donations that they can’t spend. If you are local and you are able to, please consider an extra tin of something (if you can get it) to drop off at the Storehouse. Every single donation makes a difference to someone. • We will be posting more in the coming days about other ways we can help others during this time from our homes and/or with minimal contact

Rudy says wash your hands and think of others before you start stockpiling and bulk buying! I’m close to running out of antibacterial hand wash to help me wash his poo off of my hands 20 times a day but I have the privilege of either driving or walking to as many shops as I need to to find some or buy the overpriced stuff online. There are many, many people who don’t have this privilege for various reasons. There are families relying on low priced bags of pasta, large multipacks of loo roll and cartons of uht milk to get through the month. Anxiety is running high for people who rely on antibacterial hand gel to feel like they can use public spaces. Food bank donations have dropped between 25 and 33% in some areas as non-perishables are being bought by panic shoppers. I’m not being dismissive of people’s genuine fears about what is going on but I really do think people need to be considering others, especially those far more vulnerable than themselves. #rudysays #washyourhands #donatetoyourlocalfoodbank #endausteritynow