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Email: killvenus@hotmail.com

Twitter: @theladyeve

Instagram: @killingvenusblog

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The fourth trimester is almost over and I can’t believe this little ratbag was still inside of me 12 weeks ago. He dictates my every waking moment (and my sleeping moments as I wake in a panic when I can’t hear him grunting, snoring, snuffling or tossing and turning beside me) and is the only person in the world to enjoy my singing. I’m starting to feel more like myself, physically and mentally, these days. I still have my mum tum, which I am maintaining with a constant supply of cake and biscuits, and yesterday I even managed to dye my hair for the first time in 4/5 months (I mean, it looks dreadful but 🤷‍♀️). I’m getting out of the house most days and as everyone promised, the periods between feeding and shitting are getting longer which means we can actually DO STUFF in the real world. However, it turns out that the real world can be pretty scary when you’re a grown up with a tiny baby and you don’t really know anyone else who is also a grown up with a tiny baby. Alongside learning how to be a mum, I’m also learning how to make friends all over again in my mid thirties. Admitting you’re lonely to a stranger over coffee while discussing birth stories is not something I thought would be one of the challenges I’d face and it has forced me to become vulnerable, resilient and more confident than I thought I could ever be. #rudywilson #fourthtrimester #12weeksold #postpartum #postpartumbody #babywearing #motherhood #baby #feministparenting

All the rallying cries in the world of “Mama, you got this!” will never take away that feeling of complete helplessness when you realise that your child is in real danger. I had to report an incident to the police yesterday where an adult man was behaving threateningly towards my 11 week old baby on a bus. I had noticed him when he got on as he appeared to be agitated and muttering to himself but I was preoccupied with keeping Rudy calm until I could get home and feed him. I never like to make assumptions about anyone’s additional needs so I tried not to give him much thought as he paced up and down the aisle glaring in my direction and muttering until an elderly lady behind me leant forward and told me she would put herself between us if he tried anything. When I asked her if it was me and my baby that was upsetting him, she calmly nodded and came to sit next to me and told me she’d get me home safely. Instead of going home I got off the bus as quick as possible. The bus driver was told I was in danger and let me off at traffic lights where I just fucking fell apart. Another woman found me and took me to a cafe to help me calm down. In situations like this, it is so important to focus on the unconditional kindness of others and those women will forever be my heroes BUT whether that man’s needs were mental health, neurodiversity or substance abuse, the services should be in place to ensure he is not a threat to other, even more vulnerable members of society but they aren’t. This government are slowly killing, endangering and further marginalising the most vulnerable and in turn, potentially putting others in danger. The knowledge that I can’t keep my baby safe hit me like a tonne of bricks yesterday and the shock still hasn’t worn off but we’re off to the cinema in a bit to watch Judy, which I know Rudy will love as instead of nursery rhymes, I sing Judy Garland and Doris Day songs to him. #rudywilson #fourthtrimester #motherhood #torieskill #getthetoriesout #judy #judygarland #dorisday

TW: domestic violence. • October is domestic violence awareness month, however, we should always be aware of this insidious disease that permeates homes throughout the country and destroys, and sometimes takes, lives. On average in the UK, 2 women a week are killed by men who are known to them. To those of us who are lucky to have escaped intimate gender based violence, we imagine it often takes the form of a long suffering wife with a black eye stammering that she walked into a door. We need to reframe the survivors of domestic abuse as they are all ages, genders, race and socio-economic groups and understand that it is never as easy as “I don’t know why she just doesn’t leave him.” • Domestic abuse can be anything from humiliation, verbal abuse, stalking, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, invasion of privacy, isolation, violent threats, coercion, sexual abuse, violence, financial abuse and threats of self harm. • I survived two abusive relationships, one physical and one emotional. I was 17 and had moved in with him after an argument with my mum. We were not married, there were no children, I had a job and my mum always made it clear that I could come home whenever I wanted to. So why did I stay? After 14 months and discovering I could lock myself in the bathroom to escape him, I sat on the edge of the bath and decided it was time to go home. I was one of the lucky ones. I moved home to my mum’s and went onto have a brief but healing relationship with a kind, gentle boy who posed absolutely no threat to me. He joined the police. I assumed I would never make the same mistake (obviously still internalising blame) but at 25, I got involved with a ‘charming’ narcissist who was grappling with a masculinity crisis. He was careful never to lay a finger on me but the lying, the gas lighting, the manipulation and coercion were there for everyone to see but me. I didn’t live with him and I was financially independent. So why did I stay? Once he was finished dismantling my confidence and self worth, he swiftly left me for another woman who he did the same to. • CONTINUED IN COMMENTS ⤵️

I never thought about the kind of mother I wanted to be but now I know that I definitely want to be like Regina George’s mum with her hump day mocktails. Happy October 3rd, bitches! #october3rd #imnotaregularmomimacoolmom #lindsaylohan #motherhood #meangirls #meangirlsday #amypoehler #onwednesdayswewearpink #youcantsitwithus

I posted on here the other week about missing work while I’m on maternity leave and the one thing I truly miss more than anything is my Mighty Girl club and the work I do with the girls. I would love to see more school provide these kinds of groups for children so I was excited when a former colleague got in touch for some advice on starting her own mighty girl club at her school. It’s taken a few days but the baby finally got so tired from yesterday’s jabs that he napped somewhere other than my chest and I was actually able to put together information on how I ran the club and activities I do with the girls. It felt so good to have a bit of time to myself and remember that I’m good at something other than changing nappies! And if you’re a primary teacher who wants to start a feminist group at your school and would like some suggestions for activities, get in touch! #whoruntheworld #girlssupportgirls #illustration #teacher #feminist #feminism #mightygirl #mightygirlclub #feministteacher #teachlikeagirl #feminismintheclassroom #empoweredwomenempowergirls

Love this illustration by @hazel.mead for @elvie about what we’re not told about postpartum bodies (although I’d like to add flatulence and ‘mum thumb’!) I saw on here that model Brttny Ward gave birth the same day as me and 8 days postpartum, she was flaunting her tanned, toned stomach in her underwear while I was waddling round the house in my massive granny pants and maternity pads having not brushed my teeth in days and my hair for even longer (granted, she is 7 years younger than me AND a Playboy model). Now, congratulations to her but I’m not sure many women who have just given birth want to or need to see images like that. Of course, she looks amazing and should be free to show off her hard work and her body that she is rightfully very proud of but with 325k followers, a little mindfulness about the message this sends other new mothers about their postpartum bodies would go a long way. Women’s bodies are magnificent things in all their saggy, swollen, wrinkly, aching, farting, stitched together glory and we need to talk about what happens postpartum more! 📷: @hazel.mead for @elvie #postpartum #postpartumbody #fourthtrimester #motherhood #hazelmead #elvie #illustration #normalisepostpartumbodies