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October 27, 2018October 27, 2018 ~ killingvenus

Published by killingvenus

blogger/teacher/mighty girl leader/red lipstick wearer View all posts by killingvenus

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‹ PreviousComing of Age.

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Having a baby and living in an area where you have no friends or family is HARD and even more so when the world locks down when your baby is 7 months old. But I always tell anyone who will listen that Southend is the best place to have a baby because the community will always hold you with no judgement and lots of tea. An antenatal class and a baby massage group brought these two babes @christine.hamilton and @ameeorton and their babies into my life and I am forever grateful for them. If you are parenting a tiny baby and feeling lonely, if you can, try to get to a group and if you're feeling brave, ask someone if they want to go to get a very large coffee afterwards. I almost guarantee they will say yes! Or get on the apps (shout out to @peanut for bringing @nata.tattat_ into my life and @mushmums for @jenzokapoqo ) and find yourself pals who will walk around a park for hours with a sleeping baby in a pram while you despair over a lack of sleep and never feeling like you have no idea what you're doing. Or move to Southend where there is an army of parents and peer supporters who will provide support, solidarity and lots and lots of tea.

I don't believe that children have to earn our trust by jumping through arbitrary hoops that just reinforces the power dynamic between parent/child, teacher/pupil. When a child tells me who they are, what they need or what has happened, I trust them. If I believe that they aren't necessarily telling the truth in that moment, I don't remove my trust. Instead, I wonder what is going on for that child and why they don't feel safe to tell the truth. Am I a safe space for them? Have I created a safe space? What is going on in their nervous system so that they need to protect themselves? By meeting children with unconditional positive regard, we show them that we trust them, that we will meet them where they are and that we will support them when they need it. But most importantly, we need to remember that, while trusting children helps them become trustworthy, they don't owe us their trust. In fact, they don't owe us anything. If we approach our relationships with children as transactional, they become rooted in mistrust, resentment and disrespect. A child does not owe you respect, trust or honesty. It is a gift they may give you when they feel safe with you.

Does your child find the summer term and the transitions it brings tricky? Do they become anxious about the possible challenges that lie ahead in the new school year? If your child could benefit from a helping hand in developing their growth mindset and resilience in the face of challenges, then my growth mindset group at @leightowncouncilevents could be for them!

Last week, I did a guided meditation with my upper key stage 2 growth mindset group on developing boundaries but I felt that it went really well with the concept that I teach kids that their brain is like a house (see my previous post on this). It developed into an activity on what good mental looks and feels like and how we can sustain it. With help from the meditation script, we then imagined what kind of garden we could build around our house to both nourish and protect our mental health. There were hardy raspberry bushes to provide protection AND fruit, apple trees to give protection against wind and feed our communities, vegetable patches for food, rose gardens for beauty, ponds for irrigation and beauty, benches for meditation and reflection and fresh water streams for drinking. There were rows of trees to provide privacy and protection, yet pathways to wander and explore. This was a lovely activity and the first time I've done it but I think I'd like to spend even more time on it next time and I think it would be a great one for older children and teens. It gets them thinking about their needs and wants in a creative way with no restrictions on what kind of garden surrounds their 'house.'

Children are going hungry yet schools are encouraging parents to spend money they don't have on clothes and flags to celebrate a man, who was born into wealth and power, inheriting even more wealth and power while the rest of the country struggles. AND they're asking these parents to donate to the foodbank at the same time as if the two things are somehow linked. The country is paying for a £100 million party and local families are struggling? Let's get other local families to come to the rescue with some tinned food to help us soothe our middle class guilt while we spend the weekend bingeing on Victoria sponge and prosecco. This country is an EMBARRASSMENT.

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